The Guide to Understanding a Workout Warrior: 13 Things to Know
1. Workout Warrior = being serious about the workout.
This is the very first thing to understand.
We are here to push ourselves; to get better, stronger, faster.
Anything that stands in our way is a nuisance.
2. Form is our friend.
We understand form is more effective than weight.
If you are lifting more weight than you can handle, no one is impressed (I’m talking to you rainbow-back. Yeah I see you on the bench with horrible form).
3. Gym sesh is not Gossip sesh.
If you are not here to workout, leave us alone.
Our headphones blaring angry rap have more important things to say right now than you.
A friendly wave or hello is acceptable, but small talk is permission for spitting in your protein shake.
4. Gym membership does not equal a dating site membership.
We are more worried about how our ass looks in spandex than yours.
I am not here to impress you, nor am I here to get laid. Carry on.
5. We will kick you off a machine if you are using it as a rest station.
Get your ass in gear. Or not. Just get it off my bench.
6. We do not need to win over ‘roidies by explaining ourselves.
Roidies (ROY-dees) (noun): you know, the ones taking so
many steroids they have dick skin -- absolutely no fat so
you can see every vein in their body.
Do not quiz me on my workouts just to make me explain the correct name for a movement. I know what muscle I’m targeting. I know what I’m doing. Thank you for your concern.
7. We are more than happy to spot you.
No we are not here to socialize, but please feel free to interrupt us between sets for a spot. We will instantly kick in as your motivator and help you perform your best.
8. We are grateful to receive spotters.
Unless you are that creepy sweaty guy.
Don’t hold my waist when I squat.
Don’t put your sweaty ballsack over my face while I’m benchpressing.
9. Mirror glances do not mean vanity.
Trust me, we do not enjoy making grotesque faces at ourselves in the mirror.
We are looking to make sure we have the right form and the correct muscles are being exercised.
10. Do not judge my appearance.
If you do care to judge, judge by how disgusting I look. The more repulsive I appear, the more work I put in. Admire those sweat tacos. Mmm, delicious.
11. Definitely do not judge my appearance.
Do not criticize what part of my body I should be working on. I know what I need to fix, that’s why I’m here.
Also, it sure as hell isn’t your place to judge the fact that my waist isn’t as slim as yours (yeah I’m looking at you skinny bitch on the elliptical), or that my thighs don’t have a gap. I’m in the gym to get healthy and fit, not become a size 0 model. (PS these thighs can squat more than you bro).
12. We do not have a headquarters.
'Workout warriors can be found anywhere:
Crossfit, Curves, the local gym, the park, the pool, your mom’s house.
There is no one specific place that qualifies people as workout warriors.
Their dedication qualifies them.
13. We have no specific profile.
Workout warriors are different shapes and sizes.
Workout warriors are in different phases of life.
Workout warriors are different genders.
Workout warriors are different ages.
You cannot spot a workout warrior by their shape.
Only by their dedication.